Adam's Decision
by Farm-Mom
Summary: Exploring Adam's decision to leave for college and to return afterward. If you stopped in to read my story, why not click 'review' and leave me a note? I'd love to hear from you.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Adam was angry…well, maybe not angry. He was sad…well, that wasn't it either. He could say for sure he wasn't happy at all. He stared down at the post hole he'd dug and realized it was big enough to set the outhouse on. He laid the mattock on the ground by his shovel and sat with a plop, pulled off his gloves and tossed them down beside him. He and Pa had another argument about where Adam belonged and now Adam was more confused than ever. Confused…yeah, that was how he felt.

Every week, just like clockwork, they received a letter from Grandfather Stoddard asking about when he would be enrolling at the college that Grandfather had chosen for him. He would be living in Boston with a grandfather he only knew in letters. In his responses to his grandfather's letters, Adam had made excuses about Pa and his brothers needing him here. Pa never set the old man straight and just let him believe that it was his fault that Adam hadn't come to visit yet.

Adam adjusted his hat and started absently plucking at some blades of grass while his eyes strayed across the field to the cattle grazing there. The herd had grown until there were enough to sustain them now. Next spring's calves would double the herd and they would be running out of pasture, so the new fence needed built soon. But, Adam knew that after the fence was done, he'd have another excuse and he and Pa would argue again.

He just didn't know what to do. His grandfather was not getting any younger and if he didn't make the trip soon, he might miss the opportunity to meet him. On the other hand, he had become attached to the Ponderosa and the three years he would be in engineering school would see many changes here that he would not be a part of. He really wanted to go to a real school for a change. All his education had been at the knee of his father or one of his step-mothers. The rest he'd obtained by his voracious appetite for books. No matter how poor they were, Pa had always found a way to provide Adam those books. When Adam was old enough to earn his own money, he'd started buying his own.

Adam felt the shadow of his father standing over him and looked up to see his caring expression, then looked back at the blade of grass that had dropped onto his pant leg. Darn it! Why did he do that? Although he'd received a paddling or two in his life, his father would rather give him that look that made him feel worse than any paddling ever could. Then he made him talk about the problem. Adam hated talking when he was upset. He'd rather brood on his own than have one of Pa's talks. Pa sat down beside Adam and sighed.

After a moment, Pa spoke. "We just don't communicate very well, sometimes. You and I are very different but very much alike. I know that you have invested as much of yourself in this ranch as I have. We've been together since you were born and I'm going to miss your companionship and your help, but I'd be a bad parent if I made you feel obligated to stay here." Hearing no response, Pa kept going. "Adam, what is it that you are really concerned about? Hoss is old enough and big enough to take on all of your chores and then some. Little Joe is getting big enough to share in the work and we can hire help now when we need it. The only thing really holding you back is you."

Adam knew Pa was right that he was just stalling for time. "Pa, what if my grandfather doesn't like me? What if I can't fit in there? What if he's ashamed of me? I'm not exactly practiced in the ways of the upper crust of society. What if I fail at that school? What if Little Joe forgets me?" He hadn't intended to let that last part slip.

He felt his father put his arm around his shoulders and found himself pulled closer. "Adam, don't ever doubt that you are just as good as any of those blue-bloods in Boston. The things you've learned are much more important than which fork to use and which side of the street to walk on. You will adapt and fit right in at the college and excel just like you always do. I have no doubt about that either. As for Little Joe, he won't forget his big brother. He's going to be sad when you leave, but he's as happy for you as the rest of us are. Your grandfather has been very generous with paying for the schooling and the costs of your travels there and back. He wouldn't have done that if he didn't want you with him."

Adam pulled his knees to his chest and scooted around to be face to face with Ben, then rested his chin on his knees with his arms looped around them. "Pa, I appreciate the faith you have in me, but you have to admit you aren't exactly an objective observer. What if I want to come back? How do I not hurt Grandfather's feelings?"

Ben smiled. "Adam, he let me take you with me to pursue my dream of moving west when you were a tiny baby. He even encouraged me to go when I wasn't sure I was ready. Your mother would have come with me and he knew that. I think he'll understand your need to return to us if you just don't want to stay. All we ask is that you give it a chance. You'll always be wanted here."

Adam thought about the great opportunity he was being given and how disappointed his father and grandfather would be if he didn't take advantage of it. Still, there were some doubts about going so far away and being gone for so long. "Pa? What if I decide I want to stay in Boston?" He said it half-jokingly.

"Well, Adam, I guess I'll miss you but I'll know that you are doing what you want to do. I'll be proud of you whatever you decide. I'll leave you alone to think about it some more." With that, Pa got up and walked back toward the house. Watching him leave, Adam considered their talk and decided that he would send a letter to Grandfather Stoddard to expect him within the month.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Adam was getting anxious. He was ready to get off the train and walk around on solid ground again. It seemed like so long ago he'd said goodbye to his family and friends and got on a stage that took him to the nearest train depot. Grandfather had sent him a generous bank draft to cover stage and train tickets, hotels and meals while he traveled. Pa had given him cash too even though Adam had tried to refuse it. His father insisted that he could send back any that he didn't use, but he didn't need to feel obligated to do so. He just wanted him to enjoy the trip without worrying about anything back home. Adam had used the money sparingly and had plenty left as the train approached Boston. He thought about the people he'd left at home.

Little Joe had made an effort to be brave and not cry. Adam could see the streaks his tears had left on his cheeks but didn't mention it. Hoss grabbed him and gave him the biggest bear hug he'd had in a while and told him he'd look after his responsibilities while he was away but he expected him to hurry back. Pa could barely speak as he hugged him and made him promise to write every week and he'd do the same. His brothers promised to write every week too. Before he knew it, the stage driver was demanding that all riders were to get onboard so they could leave. He waved until he could no longer see his family and settled in for his long journey.

Adam was pulled out of his thoughts by the conductor calling, "Boston!" Adam sent Grandfather a wire during his last stopover with the date and approximate time his train would be pulling into the station. They were very close to their estimated arrival time, so Grandfather should be waiting. Adam's heart leapt into this throat just thinking about meeting a person who was essentially a stranger to him, although they'd been writing since Adam was old enough to write.

As the train came to a stop, Adam stood on legs that felt weak and shaky. Between not using them for a while and his case of nerves, his knees trembled. He picked up the suitcase he'd brought and noticed that his hands trembled too. If his brothers could see him now, they'd tease him unmercifully. He put on his hat and started moving toward the exit with the other passengers into this unknown world he'd agreed to give a try and suddenly wondered how he'd know his grandfather. After all, they'd never actually met and he was pretty sure the captain had aged since the picture his father carried – a photo that was older than Adam. That did it – now he was starting to feel queasy. What if Grandfather wasn't here to meet him? Adam was alone and lost in such a big place. If it was the forest, he would know how to navigate, but his experience with the city was lacking.

He stepped onto the platform and looked around. There were so many people and things going on that he felt very small and lost. He could feel people staring at him as he was sure he stood out with his cowboy clothing. He'd cleaned the dust off his clothes as best he could before boarding his first train, but there's no telling how fastidious these city folks could be. Maybe he had more dirt left on him than he thought.

"Adam Cartwright!" Adam turned toward the sound of his name and noticed a tall, older gentleman with a gray beard and a big smile. His long, dark gray jacket and pants were very neat. He knew this must be Captain Abel Stoddard, his grandfather. Adam walked toward the old man, who took him into an embrace that knocked his hat off. Adam held onto his suitcase because his hand wouldn't seem to let go. Then the gentleman released him and held him at arm's length. "Boy, you look so good to these old eyes! I was beginning to think I'd never see you! Look at you! You have your mother's eyes." He pulled him close again.

This time when Grandfather released him, Adam picked up his hat and found the courage to speak. "Hello, Sir."

Grandfather smiled a broad smile and said, "Son, you don't have to call me sir. I have waited too many years for you to call me Grandfather."

Adam started to relax a little. "Alright then, Grandfather."

Grandfather's smile got even bigger – if that was possible. "Let's collect your bags and head home where we can get acquainted. It's a bit crowded here." He started to turn toward the luggage claim when Adam stopped him.

"Grandfather, this is all I brought with me. Pa told me not to bring more than I needed since I would need to buy some new things when I got here. My clothes probably aren't a good fit for Boston." Adam looked down at his worn pants and boots.

Captain Stoddard looked him up and down. "Then we shall go arrange for a wardrobe fit for a Stoddard. Come. I have a carriage waiting." He guided Adam toward the exit and they stepped out onto a brick street where a carriage was waiting. A man spoke with Captain Stoddard, then took Adam's bag and put it in back while Grandfather and Adam got into the carriage. He was amazed at how soft the seats were and that one of the seats was turned backward so occupants were facing each other. Grandfather sat in that backward seat so he could watch Adam as he took in his new surroundings. The driver took his seat at the front of the carriage and they started down the street. As they rode along, Grandfather pointed out landmarks, including the school Adam would be attending. It was overwhelming at first, but Adam guessed he'd figure it all out soon.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Their first stop was at a men's clothing store where he tried on several pairs of pants, some shirts, vests, and jackets that were all promised for delivery tomorrow, after alterations could be made. He tried on a few hats until Grandfather found one he was satisfied with, although Adam preferred the hat he was wearing with its wide brim. They added it to the items to be delivered. Grandfather thanked the shopkeeper and ordered a few other necessary items, which were bundled into paper and tied with string. Paying the bill, he handed the package to Adam and they walked down the street to a shoe store. There, they looked at several styles until Adam found one that had the right fit. Those were boxed and Adam carried his packages as they walked back to the carriage. Adam was tired and hungry by now. He'd been too nervous to sleep last night and the seat on the train wasn't the most comfortable way to sleep anyway. He placed the box containing his new shoes and the package Grandfather had handed to him in the back of the carriage while Grandfather spoke to the driver, then got into his seat. Grandfather gave some orders to the driver, and then they were off again. Adam was relieved when Grandfather said, "It's been a full day. I think it's time to head home and see what the cook has for dinner." Adam had read in a book that some people called the evening meal dinner instead of supper, and figured it was going to take some getting used to.

Adam replied, "Thank you for the new clothes, Grandfather. I wish you wouldn't spend so much money on me, but I'd be happy to work it off in your shop. I work in the mercantile at home when they need help. I've worked at the livery too."

Grandfather looked at Adam with pride. "My boy, we can discuss that later." They rode on in silence for several minutes while Grandfather pointed out some more landmarks. Adam tried to absorb what Grandfather was saying but he was sure he understood less than half of it. When the carriage stopped, Adam looked up at a house that would have been very nice in Eagle Station but was a modest home in Boston. "Welcome to my home, Grandson."

Adam stepped out of the carriage after his grandfather and collected his suitcase and packages. After the carriage driver was paid, they walked up to the front door that had been opened by an older lady who was short and a little on the plump side with brown hair, that was starting to turn gray, pulled back into a bun. She wore a broad grin as she stepped out onto the stoop to meet them. "Oh, Captain Stoddard, he is just as handsome as you said he was! And, you can certainly tell that he's Miss Elizabeth's son! Why, the resemblance is easy to see!" She moved aside as the two men entered the house, then followed them inside. When Adam removed his hat and bowed his head slightly and said "Hello, Ma'am", the old lady blushed, "And good manners too!"

Captain Stoddard interrupted, "Adam, this is my housekeeper, Mrs Newson. She's been with me since your mother and father married. She was here when you were born and was very unhappy with me for letting your father take you away. She's been as anxious as I was to have you back in this house."

Mrs Newson closed the door and took Adam's hat and hung it up on the coat rack. "I see only one bag has been brought in. Is that all there is?" At Adam's nod, she continued, "We will freshen your clothes and send them to your room."

Adam looked at the spot just inside the door where Grandfather told him to place his things. Looking back at the woman, he noticed that she was still staring at him. She inched a little closer and opened her arms. Adam opened his arms and allowed her to embrace him. He was surprised to hear a gentle sniffling sound and drew back to see Mrs Newson's eyes were wet. Dabbing at her eyes with the edge of her apron, she said, "Oh, please forgive an old lady's tears but I really thought I'd never see you again. You've grown into such a nice young man."

He responded, "That's alright. My pa and I took good care of each other and while we had some difficulties, we've always been happy. I also have two brothers that I'm very close to. I have a photo if you'd like to see it."

Grandfather interrupted them again. "There will be plenty of time to do that later." He turned to Mrs Newson. "I assume that dinner is prepared."

Mrs Newson stopped staring at Adam and looked at Captain Stoddard. "Oh, yes, of course. I'll tell the cook that you're ready, Captain. I'm sure it will be on the table as soon as you've washed up." With one more glance at their new guest, she left.

Adam looked around at the room they were standing in. It was nicely furnished but not fancy. Pa told Adam that Captain Stoddard wasn't a wasteful man and had only what he required. His eyes moved to the fireplace and the painting above it. The woman in the painting had lovely dark hair and hazel eyes and her expression would be best described as dreamy. He asked, "Grandfather, who is the woman in the painting? She's beautiful."

Grandfather said, "That would be your mother. I suppose you can see why your father fell in love with her. She surely was an angel."

Adam walked closer to the painting. "She sure was. Pa's photo doesn't do her justice." Turning toward his grandfather, Adam noticed another painting on an adjacent wall. The woman looked very similar to the one in the first painting, but a little different. He pointed at the painting and asked, "Who is that?"

Grandfather responded, "That was my dear wife. She passed away when your mother was barely in her teens. Your mother got most of her looks from your grandmother. And you appear to have gotten yours from your mother. You look quite a bit like her."

Adam blushed. "Pa tells me that a lot. He says I got her stubbornness too."

"Well, I haven't seen that yet, but if I do, I'll probably recognize it." Then Grandfather laughed that roaring laughter again. "Son, it was better to surrender to your mother than to argue. She had a quick wit and a determination that made this old sea captain surrender rather than risk getting cut by her razor-sharp tongue."

Adam laughed too and it was then that Mrs Newson stepped into the room to tell them dinner was served in the dining room. "I see that you two haven't made it to the wash room. Better get moving or Cook will be upset with you." With that, she moved to the front door, picked up Adam's bag and packages and disappeared up the stairs.

Grandfather showed Adam down a hallway to a room behind the kitchen that had a sink and bathtub and something that looked like an outhouse seat. He was amazed to find that there was running water. It was a new experience to see it in use, although he'd been reading about indoor facilities in one of the engineering books he'd ordered. Grandfather showed Adam how the mechanisms worked, and then left the room so Adam could have some privacy. He took care of his needs and washed his hands and splashed some cold water onto his face to wake up. When he came out of the washroom, Grandfather stepped back inside and Adam waited in the hallway. Entering the dining room a few minutes later, Adam noticed that the table was large enough to hold a dozen people. The furnishings were dark-stained, heavy wood with intricate carvings. A crystal chandelier hung over the table. A buffet cabinet stood along one wall and Adam could see a cherry pie and a chocolate cake that looked delicious. Two places were set on the table – one at the end and the second on the corner beside it. Adam took the seat at the side and Grandfather sat at the end. The cook had already served the food onto two plates and Adam noted that it smelled wonderful. They had fried chicken, boiled potatoes, and green beans and warm rolls. Adam nodded his head to the cook – a woman who wasn't quite as old as Mrs Newson since her hair was still brown - who'd come from the kitchen to serve coffee. "Thank you, Ma'am", he said. The cook smiled and said, "You are quite welcome, Sir. I hope you enjoy your meal. When you're ready for dessert, call for me. I'm Mrs Cook." Adam thought about how her name fit her profession, but just said, "Yes, Ma'am". She went back to the kitchen humming a tune Adam didn't recognize.

They talked as they ate and Adam told Grandfather about some of the adventures they had while moving west. Grandfather related some stories about Adam's mother and father that Ben had never told him. He'd have to bring that up when he wrote home, which reminded Adam of a pressing need. "Grandfather, where is the closest place I could buy some letter writing supplies? Pa, Hoss and Little Joe made me promise to write frequently and the things I brought won't last much longer. I wrote them several letters on the way here and I'm afraid I might have overdone it a little."

Grandfather said, "Oh, don't worry about that, Adam. Tomorrow, I plan to take you out and show you the town. Make a list of anything else you'll need and we will be sure to pick it up. Include some gifts for your brothers and we will send them while we are out."

"Oh, Grandfather, you don't have to do that. A letter will be sufficient. I just don't want to worry them."

"Nonsense! They have loaned you to me for a while. The least I can do is send them something for their sacrifice. Be thinking about something appropriate. I have wanted to send all of you gifts and money but your stubborn father refused any help. Surely, if your brothers receive gifts, your father won't make them send them back."

Adam grinned at the thought of his father and grandfather going at it like two bulls. He didn't realize he was laughing until his grandfather asked him a question. "What is so funny?"

Adam almost blurted out his thoughts, then thought better of it. "Oh, nothing. I think I'm just ready for dessert." Mrs Cook must have been nearby because she appeared at his side and asked if he'd prefer pie or cake or perhaps a small piece of each. Adam chose to try both and was intrigued with Mrs Cook's careful slicing of the cake. It was a layer cake and Adam watched as she served it without leaving crumbs behind. Adam had learned to cook out of necessity but couldn't create anything so nice, let alone serving it so cleanly. His younger, but bigger, brother had a tendency to make quite a mess when he helped himself to dessert. Next, Mrs Cook cut a piece of pie and added it to the plate. She presented the plate to him with a small curtsy. He thanked her and waited while she put a slice of pie on a plate for Grandfather. After sampling both, Adam told Grandfather that he hadn't tasted anything so good in a long time. When Mrs Cook came back to get the plates, he told her so and she carried the plates to the kitchen with a little bounce in her step and hummed her tune just a little louder.

After dinner, they took their coffee to the living room and Adam was able to admire the painting over the fireplace some more. He wondered if the painting was a real reflection of the woman his mother was or a romanticized version that the painter had envisioned. His grandfather answered that question when he sat down in his favorite chair, took out a box of photos, and showed them to Adam. He decided that the painter had simply used his talent to capture her physically and spiritually on the canvas. Adam could see the sparkle in her eye that his father had described in the stories he'd told him.

"Grandfather, tell me more about my mother. What was she like before she met my father?"

Grandfather's expression turned thoughtful. "She was sweet but a bit incorrigible. Her charm and beauty got her through many a scrape. I could deny her nothing, yet she asked for little that she didn't need. She worked hard and loved freely. I think that's what attracted your father to her. He was bound to duty and needed permission to let himself dream and enjoy life. As she lay dying, she begged your father to follow his dream and to raise you with that same dream. I wanted so badly to keep you with me, but I knew that I had no right to interfere; so I encouraged him to take you and live that dream for her. It turned out much better than I had hoped. Here you are all grown up and a responsible young man, who, I hear, has his mother's playful streak." He looked pointedly at Adam, who blushed and made himself a promise to ask Pa exactly what he'd told Grandfather about him.

"Thank you, Grandfather - for the invitation to stay here and for helping me with school. You don't really need to do anything else and I'm perfectly happy to earn my own way. I'll help out in your shop and around the house with anything you like."

"We'll discuss that tomorrow when we visit the shop. However, I think you've had enough excitement for one day. I'll show you to your room and say goodnight." He stood up and headed toward the stairs.

Adam picked up his grandfather's cup, added it to the one he already had in his hand and headed to the kitchen with them when Grandfather told him to stop. "I admire your manners, Adam, but I have help that will pick those up. Just place them on the table and follow me. I have had your mother's room made up for you. It's the same room you were born in."

Adam did as he was told and followed his grandfather up the stairs. Grandfather showed him to an open door and guided him inside a room with a large bed covered with an intricately designed quilt; the bed's headboard made of the same dark wood as the dining table. There was also a darkly stained dresser, nightstand, and a wardrobe. New undergarments and a nightshirt were neatly placed at the bottom of the bed. Grandfather told him that his clothes had been placed in the dresser or hung up in the wardrobe. Some may have been washed and would be returned to him in the morning. Adam was a little embarrassed that strangers had handled his dirty clothes, but he was grateful that he would have a clean shirt to wear tomorrow. He'd been sleeping in his clothes since he'd left home and a bath and fresh clothing would be refreshing. "I've already showed you the facilities downstairs if you would like to freshen up before you go to sleep. Just leave your dirty clothing in the washroom and Mrs Newson will take care of it. She's already washed your extra trousers and a shirt for tomorrow."

"A bath would be very welcome. Thank you." Adam picked up the nightshirt and undergarments and took the robe from the door and followed his grandfather back down the stairs.

At the bottom of the stairs, his grandfather turned and said, "I plan to read for a while before I go to bed. I would appreciate it if you would stop and say good night before you go back upstairs."

Adam readily agreed and went to the washroom for a bath. A tub bath was a luxury where he came from for the whole process was labor intensive and was usually reserved for one day a week or for special occasions. To be able to open a valve and fill a tub with hot water was hard to believe. He got it too hot at first but figured out that he needed to measure the temperature just like he did at home when they were using buckets of cold and hot water mixed together in the large tub until it was at the right temperature. He soaked his tired body and used the cloth and soap that Mrs Newson had left for him to scrub the smell of trains and sweat off himself. When he felt the water turning cool, he finally dragged himself out, dried off, and put on the new underwear and nightshirt. Feeling renewed, he put on the robe and left his castoff clothes in a heap on the floor by the tub as he'd been instructed to do. Then he entered the hallway that went past the kitchen and back to the living room.

He said goodnight to Mrs Newson and Mrs Cook when he met them by the kitchen. Mrs Newson kissed his cheek before he went to find his grandfather in the living room reading one of the many books that were in his library. They discussed a few of the authors in the collection and he was overjoyed when his grandfather told him to think of them as his own and enjoy them. His grandfather was surprised that he was familiar with so many books and authors and hoped to talk more about Adam's schooling. When Adam yawned, Grandfather said, "I think it's time to say goodnight". He hugged Adam again and said, "Adam, I've waited for so long to have my lovely Elizabeth's son with me again that I may try too hard to win your affection. I hope that you will be happy here. If anything makes you unhappy, promise me that you'll tell me."

Adam hugged him back, saying, "Yes, Grandfather. I promise."

Grandfather finally let him go and bid him goodnight. Adam walked back to his room and closed the door. He admired the room some more and checked the dresser and wardrobe for his possessions and picked up the book he'd brought from home. His mother's music box that he'd brought with him had been placed on the night stand right next to the watch that Pa had given him on his 21st birthday. He must remember to thank Grandfather for it. He laid the book down, opened the music box and wound it and listened to the sweet music play. He imagined his mother in this house and wondered what his life would have been like if she'd lived. Then he thought about his family back home and wondered if they missed him tonight as much as he missed them. He decided he'd have to stop that line of thought or he'd start crying. He noticed that someone had already turned down the covers on the bed, so he climbed in and wondered how anything could be so soft. He opened the book but his head had hardly made contact with the pillows when he was sound asleep. He didn't hear Grandfather step inside the room, remove the book that had fallen onto his chest and admire his sleeping grandson a few minutes before turning off the light and retiring to his own room.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The next morning, the other set of clothes he'd brought had been washed and dried; and were neatly folded and waiting for him. He must have really been tired to not hear someone sneaking into the room and leaving his clothes. It was just getting light outside and the clock said it was 6:00 am, so he dressed and went in search of breakfast. He found only Mrs Cook downstairs. She was in the kitchen preparing the morning's baking of bread and she jumped when she realized he was watching her. With her hand to her heart as if to catch it, she said, "Oh, Mr Cartwright, you startled me! The captain usually takes breakfast at 7:00 am, but I can make you something if you prefer to eat now." Adam walked toward her and smiled at the flour Mrs Cook had on her cheek.

"Mrs Cook, please call me Adam. And, by all means, continue with your work. I don't want to be a bother. I'd love to help if there's something I can do. I'm not used to being waited on and it makes me a little nervous."

Mrs Cook relaxed. "The captain would be angry if I turned is grandson into kitchen help. You may stay and talk to me if you wish or go into the captain's library and wait. If you're hungry, there is milk, freshly delivered, in the ice box and plenty of pie and cake from last night."

Adam thought how Hoss would enjoy having this woman cook for him and said so. "My brother would love you. He eats like every meal is his last. We have a cook at home, Hop-Sing, but his cooking is no match for yours. Not that his isn't good, but yours is very different." He noticed what a pretty smile she had and that she looked quite a bit younger than he would have guessed last night. He also noticed that she had the greenest eyes he'd ever seen and that she wasn't wearing a wedding ring, although she went by 'Mrs'. He'd have to make a point of asking about her. "I think I'll just go look at Grandfather's library and leave you alone so you don't get into any trouble." With that, he turned from the kitchen, visited the washroom, and then proceeded to Grandfather's library.

What they called the library was actually a considerable number of shelves in the living room. They were stuffed with books that were worn from being held, and probably read. He took his time in picking up each one and looking at the title and putting it back. One title caught his attention and he smiled, "Paradise Lost". He hadn't realized he'd spoken the words aloud until he heard his grandfather's voice. He turned quickly to see his grandfather smiling at him.

"Paradise Lost was your mother's favorite book. It's worn because she read it over and over, and then had your father read it to her. She enjoyed his voice as he put feeling into the words, and I must admit to enjoying overhearing it as much as any thespian production. That book is where your mother chose your name, you know."

Adam smiled at his grandfather's words and faraway look. "Yes, I know. When I was very small, Pa found a copy in some boxes that a family had been forced to leave behind on the trail. He kept it and read parts of it to me every time we stopped. I fell asleep most nights beside Pa as he read it. I didn't understand the words then, but the way he read it was very soothing."

Grandfather put his hand on Adam's shoulder. "Your mother would be very happy to know you enjoy her favorite book and even happier to know that it's in your possession. It would make me happy too."

Adam looked at the book again and then looked at his grandfather. "Thank you. It would mean a lot to me too and I promise to take good care of it."

"I already told you that you are welcome to any of my book collection that you like. Your mother also loved to read and probably read most of them. You might even find her name in a few." Grandfather motioned to a chair. "Please sit down and we'll talk while Mrs Cook is preparing breakfast."

Adam gladly sat down with Grandfather. "One thing I've been hoping is that you would tell me some stories about my mother that my father hasn't told me. I know her from his view, but you knew her when she was a little girl."

The captain obliged and they talked until Mrs Newson interrupted them to say that breakfast was ready. The morning meal was just as grand as the evening meal had been. Adam had become accustomed to large morning meals which gave working, growing boys energy to start the day and, too often, had to last until supper. He dug in and made Mrs Cook very happy. When they were finished, Grandfather suggested they take their coffee back to his library and talk some more. Adam looked forward to more stories about his mother, but Grandfather wanted to know more about Adam's life.

"I don't know what I can tell you besides what I've written in my letters. When Pa married Marie and Little Joe was born, we continued west until we got to Eagle Station. After Ma was killed, we obtained the property to start our ranch. It's a lot of work but one day it's going to be the biggest spread in the state."

Grandfather laughed. "With Ben Cartwright in charge, I have no doubt that it will become just that."

Adam turned more serious. "Grandfather, one thing Pa never told me is how he met you. He said he apprenticed on a ship but he talks about another captain. How did he end up on your ship and become first mate? I asked him once, but he avoided answering so I dropped it. Would you tell me?"

Grandfather looked into his coffee cup and hesitated. "Perhaps he thought you were too young at the time or that someone might be hurt if he told."

Adam was confused. "I don't understand why he would keep it a secret. Won't you tell me how you came to know my father and how he met my mother?"

Adam noticed the pained expression on his grandfather's face and hoped his own pleading look would convince him to tell the story. Grandfather hesitated, and then cleared his throat.

"Sailors talk to one another and I'd been hearing from my crew, who'd heard from another crew, about a young cabin boy on a ship that was on a similar route as we were and frequently docked with us. They had told me that this young lad was quite a hard worker but they feared for him due to his treatment at the hands of Captain Sullivan. Being a man who doesn't condone meddling, I refused to listen to the rumors." Grandfather stared into his cup again.

"Grandfather? Was he hurting Pa?" Adam prompted.

Grandfather looked at him and he could see sadness and even though this happened many years ago, he felt sad for his father. Finally, Grandfather continued. "One evening, I had finished up some work with my first mate and as we walked across the dock, we heard noises that sounded almost like a fight. The docks could be dangerous at night, so we decided to see if some Samaritan was being robbed. What we found was worse. Captain Sullivan was beating his young cabin boy. This young boy of 13 was trying to fight back but Sullivan was just too strong and too drunk and had a knife in his hand. A much older man would have cried out, but not Benjamin Cartwright. He was putting up a good fight, but would never have survived. My first mate and I pulled Sullivan off and sent him somewhere to sober up and took Benjamin to my home where we patched him up."

Adam felt sick. He'd seen cruelty before – cruelty to horses and to humans, but this was his father and a boy not much older than Little Joe. How could a grown man do such a thing? "He didn't go back to Captain Sullivan, did he?"

Grandfather gave Adam a triumphant look. "Certainly not! I went to see Sullivan the next day and bought your father's apprenticeship and he became MY cabin boy and, eventually, one of the youngest first mates in the fleet!"

Adam smiled. "I'm glad you were there, Grandfather."

"So am I, Lad! If I hadn't helped him, I wouldn't have you." He patted Adam's knee.

"Pa is strict, but he's always fair and always protective of those who are weaker. I guess he learned it from serving with you."

"Perhaps he did, but he was born with a strong constitution and a gift for learning. He also has a gift for raising boys." He grinned then, and Adam blushed.

Adam had a few more questions. "Pa doesn't like for us to fight, but we found out that he's a good fighter. Did you teach him?"

"Sailors scrap from time to time, even on the best-disciplined ships. I suspect that having brothers also made it necessary to learn how to defend himself." Adam thought of his own brothers and agreed. Looking at the old grandfather clock, Grandfather changed the subject. "I have planned to show you the town today. Shall we get going?"

Adam supposed there would be time to talk about family history later and agreed that he needed to be shown around so he could learn how to navigate on his own. They finished their coffee, told the ladies that they would be having lunch with some friends, and picked up their hats as they left. Adam had put on his cowboy hat since the new hat hadn't been delivered yet, much to Grandfather's chagrin. Adam preferred it for its wider brim and he liked the way it fit, but he had worn the new boots they'd purchased yesterday. Grandfather's house was on a fairly quiet street but was walking distance from his shop and several other businesses. Grandfather's shop was near the docks so Adam would have a chance to see the ocean. He couldn't wait to tell his brothers about it.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Grandfather told him about the town while they walked to the shop. Once inside, he was introduced to the manager, Mr Boatman, a tall man who appeared to be about Pa's age. He was a short, red-headed man with a beard. His assistant, Charles, was not much older than Adam and was about the same height. He had brown, curly hair that appeared to need cut. Mr Boatman and Charles handled day-to-day matters and kept the books; but Grandfather had the final say in most decisions. They seemed quite happy with their positions and showed Grandfather some new gadgets they'd just received and were preparing for display. Adam didn't know anything about sea-going equipment, but they looked beautiful to him and he said so. Grandfather gave him a quick lesson on some of the finer pieces they had in the shop and Adam thought he'd never keep it all straight. A few hours later, Mr Boatman suggested that Charles take his lunch break, which reminded Grandfather that it was lunch time. Adam wasn't hungry yet, but where he'd come from one should never turn down a meal, since you could never be sure when the next one would be. They left the shop and walked past many shops of different types. Adam observed the people walking along the boardwalk and noticed they were all sizes, shapes, and colors. They even spoke different languages.

They came to a small restaurant and Grandfather opened the door and ushered Adam inside. Inside, there were several tables arranged around just like in Shelby's saloon. A lady stood behind a counter and smiled when they walked in. "Why, Captain Stoddard, who is the young man you've brought with you. This isn't the grandson you've been telling us about, is it?"

Grandfather took Adam's elbow and steered him toward where the lady was standing. "Yes, Nadine, this is my grandson. Adam Cartwright, I'd like for you to meet Miss Nadine Shell. She owns and operates this fine restaurant and has the best clam chowder in Boston. Nadine, I told you he was coming to visit all the way from Nevada Territory."

Nadine put her hand out and Adam shook it. "Well, it's very nice to finally meet you, Adam."

Adam had taken off his hat and now he nodded and said, "It's very nice to meet you too, Ma'am."

Nadine smiled broadly. "Please sit down, you two, and I'll bring you a bowl of clam chowder to start with. What else will it be today, Captain? Would you gentlemen like some tea? It was brought in on a merchant ship last week and I can wholeheartedly recommend it."

Captain Stoddard thanked Nadine and agreed that the tea sounded good, and then he guided Adam to his favorite table and they sat down. Adam was introduced to other patrons as they came in and Nadine soon had two steaming bowls of soup before them. The tea was as delicious as Nadine said it was and the clam chowder was tasty and filling. After they ate, they wandered on down the street and stopped to talk to people the captain knew. Adam was sure he'd never be able to remember all of them, but found them friendly and interesting. All of them appeared to have much respect for his grandfather. Grandfather suggested they reverse direction and peruse the shops on the other side of the street. One shop they stopped at had the writing paper Adam needed, so he made the purchase with money he still had from his trip, even though Grandfather protested. As they came back toward Grandfather's shop, a fellow sitting down in the street caught Adam's attention. He was playing a guitar and singing. He'd laid his hat beside him and people passing by stopped to drop coins into it. He decided he wanted to meet this fellow just because he'd never met anybody like him before, but there wasn't time today.

They spent some more time in Grandfather's shop in the afternoon before helping lock up and heading back to Grandfather's house. Adam had managed to write a quick letter to Pa and put it with the store's post to be sent the next morning. Tonight, he'd write letters to one or both brothers as time allowed. He figured if he was able to write one letter per day, he could alternate between Pa and each brother and they would each get two letters per week. He could rest on Sunday. Before returning to Grandfather's house, they stopped at the cemetery to visit his mother's and grandmother's graves. He removed his hat and said a prayer, as his father had taught him. A breeze ruffled Adam's hair, slightly; and he smiled as he imagined it was his mother happy to see him.

The next few weeks went by quickly. Adam learned the routine at Grandfather's shop and was finally given permission to help out anytime he could, which made Adam feel like he was earning his keep. He got used to his new clothes and even gave in and wore the new hat with the narrow brim. He discovered that the guitar player's name was Henry and he had a bad leg and couldn't work. He made his living playing and singing on the street. Adam gave him money when he could and asked if he might be interested in making money by teaching him to play guitar. He'd always wanted to learn and he liked the way Henry played it, so Henry agreed that anytime he was in that part of the city, he would give Adam lessons.

When it was time to start college, Grandfather accompanied Adam to the Registrar's office to get him registered and pay his tuition. The Registrar was not pleased to find that Adam had no formal schooling, but since he was Captain Stoddard's grandson, they allowed him to register. Adam didn't like the way the man glared at him, but he knew that he would just have to prove himself to those types of people. His program would be Architecture, but he also found a host of other courses in things like literature and music that he was interested in. The Registrar reminded him that he didn't need to take all the courses during the first term since he would be there at least three years. He settled for a normal freshman schedule and hoped that he chose well. He also assured Grandfather that he would continue working at the Chandler's shop.

And so Adam's schedule was set for that term. He went to school in the mornings and worked in Grandfather's shop after school and on Saturdays. On Sunday, they went to church and visited Grandfather's friends or just had a quiet day at home. Mrs Newson and Mrs Cook joined them at church and then visited their own families and friends. He felt obligated to attend social engagements that Grandfather insisted on. It seemed that all of Grandfather's friends with daughters or granddaughters near Adam's age deemed him to be a good catch. Adam was always polite but had no intention of becoming a husband just yet.

Adam's most favorite activity was just sitting with Grandfather and talking. The stories he could tell about his years on a ship and about Adam's parents were fascinating. Adam did his best to chronicle the stories so he would always have them. When he read them to himself, he would hear Grandfather's voice. Adam had also begun receiving a regular allowance. It was more than enough to spend on his few needs and he wanted Grandfather to reduce the amount, but he insisted that it was Adam's birthright as a Stoddard. Grandfather explained that he had invested all the money that Ben refused over the years. He had intended for Adam to have it and there was just a lot more of it now. Adam would gain control of the trust when he turned 25, and the small payments now were intended to support him through school. Adam was grateful but reminded Grandfather that he didn't need to buy his affection. Grandfather beamed at Adam and told him that the money was his to do with as he pleased and he could consider it payment for helping out at the shop. That made Adam feel somewhat better, but the amount still made him feel awkward.

At the end of the first term, Adam was at the top of his class. The next term, he took the usual courses for his program and added some that interested him. He still loved literature and had the most interesting conversations with his instructor. Between Henry and the music classes he took, he was very happy with how his voice and guitar playing were improving. He even taught Henry some of the things he'd learned and they sang together more frequently. This made Henry happy as people dropped even more money into his hat, which he offered to share with Adam. Adam thanked him for the thought but they agreed that Henry needed it more than Adam did.

By the following spring, Captain Stoddard had a party to celebrate his grandson's completion of his first year of college still at the top of his class. They invited their closest friends and a few neighbors. Since Adam knew that his grandfather's friends would bring their daughters and granddaughters, he invited more of his male friends to make sure the girls had someone to follow besides him. Pa had sent a letter of congratulations, but had nothing to give as a gift as the winter had been especially harsh and many calves had been lost. Adam felt as if he needed to be home, but Grandfather told him that the best thing he could do for his father is to succeed at school. He could do no good there. They discussed sending money, but both knew that Ben was too proud to accept it.

His duties at Grandfather's shop increased somewhat over the summer as Charles had married and gone west with his new wife. After Adam's stories about life in the west, Charles decided to give it a try. The letters he'd sent to Adam sounded as if they were very happy with the decision. Knowing that his schooling would limit his time at the shop, Adam asked Henry if he would like to try the job. Henry reluctantly agreed to give it a try but warned Adam that he wasn't sure his crippled leg would allow him enough movement to keep up. As it turned out, they needn't have worried. Henry took to the job right away, to Mr Boatman's pleasure, and Adam would be free to spend as much time as needed on his studies. Grandfather was also proud of Adam's ability to find the best in people. He liked to think that he'd inherited that from his grandfather.

The following fall, Adam noticed that the registrar had stopped looking down his nose at him and that the name 'Cartwright' came up as often as 'Stoddard' when referring to him. He continued to study the classics as well as his architecture and engineering courses and had gotten a reputation with his instructors as a top student. He was proud that he'd proven himself to be just as good as any of the wealthy students.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Time passed quickly and Adam was finally graduating with honors. To celebrate, Grandfather and Adam went to a photography studio and had photos made of each of them. Adam sent one of each to his father and unbeknownst to his grandfather, had one of his friends use Grandfather's photo to paint Grandfather's portrait. He presented it as a thank you for the opportunities that his grandfather had given him. Grandfather was overjoyed with the gift, but wanted Adam to have it to remember him by. He also presented him with the painting of his mother. Adam had spent many hours staring at the painting as if he thought it might start communicating with him. He was pleased to know it would be his but insisted that Grandfather keep it for now.

Pa wrote a letter thanking Adam for the photo and expressed his pride in how well he'd done in school. He also expressed his regret in not being able to come to his graduation. Little Joe had contracted pneumonia after being caught in a sudden spring downpour after having just recovered from a cold and was still under the doctor's orders to not risk anymore exposure to the elements. He wasn't well enough to come to Boston nor was he well enough to be left without adult supervision. He hoped Adam understood. Adam wrote back that he knew Pa would be here if he could and that he hoped Little Joe recovered quickly and completely. He'd had friends who'd died of pneumonia after having a particularly virulent bout of influenza, so he said an extra prayer for Little Joe's quick recovery.

All too soon, it was time for him to make another decision and he was not looking forward to it. He knew that he would return to the Ponderosa sooner or later. He still loved the ranch and wanted to go back. He had also noticed that his grandfather had begun looking ill in the past year. They had taken walks after church, but Adam often took those walks alone now or accompanied Grandfather back home and sat with him and talked. He was still writing Grandfather's stories and had decided that they would make a good gift for his children someday or, perhaps, a good novel. When anyone expressed concern, Grandfather gruffly responded that he was fine. His demeanor had gotten less amiable lately and Adam was often the one person who could still manage his mood changes. Grandfather was always cooperative with Adam so he took on more and more of his care. He wanted to be there for his grandfather just as his grandfather had been supportive of him.

Adam's agonizing decision was made easier when the college offered him a teaching position, not in architecture, but in classic literature. How could Adam refuse a position where he could teach his love of literature to others? He wrote to his father and expressed his regret in delaying his return and also communicated his concern for his grandfather's condition. Of course, Pa told him to take all the time he needed. While he was missed, and they were all looking forward to seeing him again, they understood.

So, Adam taught his beloved literature, continued to take courses that interested him, and took care of his grandfather. He had turned most of the daily running of his grandfather's shop over to Mr Boatman and Henry. Adam's regular inspection of the shop's books always showed that they were ship-shape and the store was making more profit than ever.

The next spring, the doctor, who'd told Adam that Grandfather's condition was a normal part of aging, had to admit that his condition was worsening and they would have to get his affairs in order soon. The best thing they could do is keep him comfortable and not stress him too much. He needed to be where things were familiar for as long as possible. In Grandfather's case, the familiar thing was Adam. While he'd begun to have lapses in remembering people, he always knew his grandson. A nurse was hired to help with caring for him, but Adam would read or sing or just talk with him every chance he got.

Adam wrote to Pa:

_Dear Pa,_

_I regret to inform you that it appears that Grandfather's days are growing shorter. I am glad to have spent the past four years with him. I've come to love and admire him very much. I will be returning to the Ponderosa at some point, but I don't know when that might be. I hope you understand._

_ Respectfully,_

_ Adam_

Four weeks later, something woke Adam in the middle of the night. He just had a bad feeling that something was wrong. He went to Grandfather's room and found that he had slipped away in his sleep. Adam knelt by the bed in tears and prayed as hard as he could that his grandmother and mother might be waiting for Grandfather to join them so he wouldn't be lonely. He felt a small puff of air near his cheek and felt certain that he had his answer. It felt every bit like a mother's gentle kiss.

Adam made all necessary arrangements and accepted visitors that day. Grandfather and Adam had many friends and it seemed all of them came by to offer their condolences. They brought food but Adam didn't feel he could touch a thing. Then one visitor in particular made Adam feel much better. As he opened the door, a familiar face greeted him.

"Pa! I didn't expect you!" They embraced and both of them wept right there at the door.

Ben was the first to move. He loosened the embrace and leaned back to look at Adam. "I'm sorry, Son. I came as quickly as I could and if the train hadn't been delayed, I would have been here before…." 

"It's alright, Pa. You're here now." Adam hugged him close again. "I'm so glad you're here."

Ben hugged him back and then, taking Adam by the arm, guided him to the kitchen. Mrs Newson was there and greeted the newcomer. "Ben Cartwright! I'm so glad you could be here for Adam. He needed his family." Ben smiled and hugged Mrs Newson. "Mrs Newson, I just knew I had to be here. Could I, please, speak to my son alone for just a few minutes? I promise we won't be long and then we'll rejoin everyone."

Mrs Newson smiled and said, "Of course. Take all the time you need." She left the kitchen, closing the door behind her.

Ben turned to Adam. "How are you doing, Adam?"

"I'm holding up, I guess. Well, I was until now." With that he smiled through new tears. His voice was hoarse when he spoke again. "Grandfather was a wonderful person. He would have given me anything. He did give me all the love he had."

Ben reached out and placed his hand on Adam's shoulder. "He loved you very much and appreciated every day he spent with you. I'm so glad you got to know each other. I really did love the old captain. He was more of a father to me than a father-in-law. He couldn't' have been prouder of the man you are."

Adam put his forehead on Pa's shoulder and said, "Oh Pa, I was proud to call him Grandfather."

Ben patted Adam's back then stated with a grin, "Adam, you're taller! Look at you! You're as tall as I am now! When did that happen?"

Adam started to laugh and wiped his eyes. Looking his father in the eyes, Adam realized he was the same height at his father too. "After my first year here. Grandfather complained when my clothing had to be altered again." Ben responded, "I remember his letter stating that you'd grown but I didn't believe it. I just thought it was a grandfather's pride making him think that."

Ben turned serious again. "Are we ready to clean our faces and go back out and greet your guests?"

Adam replied, "Sure. Let's go."

Taking one of Mrs Cook's dish towels, they wiped their faces and left the kitchen.


End file.
